Friday, September 7, 2012

Worst ever opening to a Romance Novel?

The English department at San Jose State University has held the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the past three decades. It's a competition that challenges entrants to write the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.
The contest categories are: Adventure, Children’s Literature, Crime, Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Purple Prose, Romance, Science Fiction, Vile Puns and Western. If you want to read all of the 2012 winners' entries click here.

Below are the winners and dishonourable mentions of the Romance category. If you can think of a terrible opening line please share with us using the comments box!

Alternatively you could try to write a really good opening to a novel and enter the Mail on Sunday's competition (think it's a UK only comp, sorry to the ineligible!) The entry has to be between 50 and 150 word and include the word 'train' in any context. The winner receives £400 in book tokens and a place on an Avon writing course but here are lots of other fab prizes. Judges are: Fay Weldon, James Buchan and Simon Brett. Send entry typed or clearly written with name, address, tel numbers and email address all on the same page, by Monday October 29th, to The Mail on Sunday Novel Competition, 84 Drayton Gardens, London SW10 9SB. Results announced next summer.

Winner: Romance

  • #“I’ll never get over him,” she said to herself and the truth of that statement settled into her brain the way glitter settles on to a plastic landscape in a Christmas snow globe when she accepted the fact that she was trapped in bed between her half-ton boyfriend and the wall when he rolled over on to her nightgown and passed out, leaving her no way to climb out. — Karen Hamilton, Seabrook, TX

Runner-Up:

  • “Your eyes are like deep blue pools that I would like to drown in,” he had told Kimberly when she had asked him what he was thinking; but what he was actually thinking was that sometimes when he recharges his phone he forgets to put the little plug back in but he wasn’t going to tell her that. — Dan Leyde, Edmonds, WA

Dishonorable Mention:

  • Tucked in a dim corner of The Ample Bounty Bar & Grille, Alice welcomed the fervent touch of the mysterious stranger’s experienced hands because she had not been this close with a man in an achingly long time and, quivering breathlessly, began to think that this could be the beginning of something real, something forever, and not just a one-time encounter with a good Samaritan who was skilled at the Heimlich Maneuver. — Mark Wisnewski, Flanders, NJ
  • Chain-smoking as he stood in the amber glow of the street lamp, he gazed up at the brownstone wherein resided Bunny Morgan, and thought how like a bunny Bunny was, though he had read somewhere that rabbits were coprophages, which meant that they ate their own feces, which was really disgusting now that he thought about it, and nothing like Bunny, at least he hoped not, so on second thought Bunny wasn’t like a bunny after all, but she still was pretty hot. — Emma DeZordi, Dollard-des-Ormeaux, Quebec
  • Their love began as a tailor, quickly measuring the nooks and crannies of their personalities, but it soon became the seamstress of subterfuge, each of them aware of the others lingual haberdashery: Mindy trying to create a perfectly suited garment to display in public and Stan only concerned with the inseam. — D. M. Dunn, Bloomington, IN

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Author Spotlight: Soraya Lane

We're always excited to welcome back Minxy friends to the blog! Today we have Soraya Lane, Harlequin, and now debut Young Adult writer with us. Thanks so much for being here today, Soraya. Take it away...

What is your writing process?

I’d like to say that I’m a meticulous plotter, but I’d be lying! I do start with a rough outline of the story, but I generally focus on my characters – their conflicts and motivations – and as soon as I have that nutted out I just start writing and figure the story out along the way!

Everyone who writes knows it's not easy - what methods do you use to keep at it on days when it would be so much easier to go shoe shopping?

I’m a great one for being distracted… when I don’t want to write I suddenly want to do things like clean the house, and anyone who knows me would tell you that’s completely out of character! To be honest, I just make myself sit down and write something, even if it’s just a paragraph. I have two fantastic author friends and we email/phone each other all the time, so I can moan about my story or do a quick brainstorm if I’m really stuck!

Keeping fit: Do you have an exercise regime to counterbalance all those hours sitting at a computer?

I have a 19-month old son, so I don’t have as much time to myself anymore, and that means less exercise right now. Although he does keep me on the run after him all the time! Up until I was 6 months pregnant I was still horseback riding at least twice a week, and prior to that I was riding as often as I could. We still have our horses, and as soon as the weather warms up here I’m going to be back riding again. My young horse is being broken in next month, so I’ll just have to find time to ride her and at the same time get fit again.

Do you believe in writer's block?

I haven’t personally experienced it yet, but I do know what it’s like to be too tired/sick of the story/stuck on what happens next, and I think it’s okay to walk away for a couple of days and just think about the book. Being an author is a tough business, and I think the best thing is to try to believe in yourself and your work, and ignore bad reviews or comments that could negatively impact on your writing.

Have you ever used an incident from real life in a book? If so, did it get you into trouble?

I think there are probably some similar incidents in my books that I’ve either experienced or heard about, but nothing to the point that it would ever get me in trouble.

What drew you to writing a Young Adult Novel?

I love reading YA, and I really wanted to write something different that was purely for fun. I’m so pleased I did, and I think that writing in different genres is a great way to keep my imagination fresh.

Promotion is no longer a dirty word. In what ways do you strive to reach more readers?

I’m hopeless at updating my own blog, but I like to visit other blogs when I can. I love being on twitter because it’s a great way to stay in touch with other authors and readers – it makes me feel less isolated as a writer! I also do giveaways on goodreads, and I’ve just taken out a paid goodreads advert too.
What is your top promo tip for other authors?

I don’t know if I have a top tip! I guess I’d say that you need to write what you love, because then you can genuinely promote your work.

What did you learn while writing this book?

That it can be daunting writing in a different genre, but that it’s worth it to push yourself creatively.

What was the most fun part of writing a Young Adult novel?

I started writing this for fun, because I was loving reading YA stories and wanted to try it myself, so I found this book very liberating to work on. It’s a genre I love and I can’t wait to work on the next book!

Tell us about your book.

When her twin sister dies of a mysterious heart condition, Riley King is sent to her grandma’s ranch. But instead of the isolation she’s been aching for, she learns of a family secret that’s been deliberately kept from her, until now.

As if finding out she’s actually a leopard wasn't enough shock for one vacation, Riley meets Hunter Logan … the guy she’s promised to. For life. But Riley has no intention of being told what to do by anyone, certainly not some stubborn, dominant shifter. Even if he can make her purr, her claws are slicing out. Until Riley realizes that not fulfilling her destiny would commit her sister to a life on the other side without her.
And just for fun: what would your young heroine’s father say to your hero when he turns up to take her on a first date?

Oooh, that’s a tough one! If he found out that he was an alpha leopard shifter, he’d probably be speechless and have a heart attack on the spot! In the sequel to Change, we will meet Riley’s parents for the first time, and I think her dad will be polite yet suspicious of the gorgeous young guy who turns up on a motorcycle to collect his daughter for a date!

Thanks for having me here!

Soraya would love to give away a kindle ebook copy of Change to one lucky reader. Just leave a comment to go in the draw! Good luck!! 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Back to school.

My daughter went back to school today. Secondary schools in Ireland are off for three months in the summer - so being without children during the day in September is a big adjustment to make. My favourite thing about going back to school was always the pens, paper and notebooks (stationery fetish, anyone?), so while I was in the shops stocking up for back to school, I took the opportunity to stock up for myself too. After all, they may be back to school, but I'm back to a more regular (hopefully more productive) writing routine - and I need supplies too!

Top of the list: a notebook. Unfortunately, I am totally unable to pass a notebook without buying it - my cupboards are stuffed with them. Usually for work I write in yellow A4 lined notebooks by aurora or paperchase. However, this is back to school, so I splashed out and bought myself a notebook for writing stuff in the car while waiting outside school for pickups (that's me picking up, not being picked up). I got this one. A large moleskine with elastic and acid free paper... lined...mmm. Stationery porn.


Next - highlighters!! who can ever have too many highlighters - especially in combination with a new notebook... I bought 2 packets of assorted colours.

I never need to buy a pen, because I have a lovely silver cross fountain pen that I was given years and years ago for Christmas - this has got to be one of the best presents ever for me, because I use it all the time. I couldn't even buy any ink, because a pot lasts forever. However, I was seduced by a uniball eye fineline by Mitsubishi - so bought a pack of two. To keep in the car and handbag. For extra jottiness.



Finally - I bought the ultimate back to school item. No - not a lunchbox (I have a Captain Jack Sparrow one I bought a few years ago, but that's another story.) This year I bought a terribly useful piece of kit that I hope will keep me on the straight and narrow working wise over the next school year. It's not exactly like the picture, but you get the idea...


Little sections where I can record word count aims and achievements every day. Places to tick when I've reached targets. Perfect! Now off to do my homework - before the kids get home from school.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Movie Review: The Bourne Legacy

I was going to do a post about my Book 2 revisions but after seeing this movie at the weekend, I needed to review it, pronto.

I used to luuuurve going to the cinema. Lurve! But lately, while I've seen some good movies, I just can't seem to catch a WOW-THAT-TOTALLY-BLEW-ME-AWAY film. But I've been a huge fan of the Bourne franchise, so I was always going to see The Bourne Legacy. Deep down I was really hoping it would equal the three previous Matt Damon awesomeness because, seriously, what's not to like about Jeremy Renner?

Unfortunately, after waiting over an hour for the film to get going, I…kinda…zzzzz. I never really understood the premise of the film or grew to care about the characters. Jeremy Renner's character felt flimsy and Rachel Weisz, another favourite of mine, was so meeh, I couldn't be bothered to care about what happened to her.

As much as I adore Jeremy Renner, the fact that I can't even remember his character's name just makes think I wasted my precious money. When you're watching a hawt guy and a clever motor-bike chase through Manila and you keep thinking "I wish I was watching Ice Age 4 again", then you know something's wrong.

At the end of the movie, when DH said "I like the way they left the plot loose to make room for another one", I found myself thinking, "Bugger, I hope not!"

Sorry folks, this film just didn't do it for me. So in place of The Bourne Legacy trailer, I leave you with the last film that I actually enjoyed watching last month!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Author Spotlight - Toni Sands

For a second week in a row we're featuring a British erotic romance author in our Spotlight. (Anyone care to guess what's hot right now?!) To showcase how vast the erotic romance genre is, last week we featured a paranormal and this week we're going historical.

Welcome to Toni Sands and her Xcite Press book, Orchid Pink.

What is your writing process?
Either I react to an idea when it strikes or nowadays to a suggestion from either of my two lovely editors at Xcite Books. Sometimes I scribble random thoughts in a notebook then mark up names and characteristics on my whiteboard. I’m a touch typist and I work fastest when transferring the story to the screen and the characters are doing the business for me.

Everyone who writes knows it's not easy - what methods do you use to keep at it on days when it would be so much easier to go shoe shopping?
Once I begin a new book it’s not difficult for me to concentrate on that wip. One big asset is that my OH works from home and he’s brilliant at leaving me to get on upstairs! We live in a small Welsh town so tempting shops aren’t within easy reach but I plan diversions every now and then. London draws me for shopping, theatres, etc and meeting up with some much-loved folk!

Keeping fit: Do you have an exercise regime to counterbalance all those hours sitting at a computer?
Walking is a pleasure in these parts and normally I go out after lunch each day. If the weather’s too awful, I have a simple exercise routine with which I won’t bore you. Does watching tennis count?

Do you believe in writer's block?
No. If I’m really not in the mood for writing, I’ll go and do something useful like cook up a big pot of veggie stew to save time for when the Muse is nudging me.

Have you ever used an incident from real life in a book? If so, did it get you into trouble?
Trivial incidents and experiences have triggered a bigger story but I try to keep out of trouble!

In what way is being a published writer different to how you thought it would be?
I started late so am coping with the digital revolution and very thankful to have achieved what I have. It’s the publicity side I find most time-consuming but I think I’ve always been aware that a writer’s life can be a lonely and frustrating one. Thank goodness for the RNA (Romantic Novelists Association)

Promotion is no longer a dirty word. In what ways do you strive to reach more readers?
I use Facebook and Twitter but try not to bang on about my books. Since ‘that book’ exploded on the scene, I’ve become much less shy about handing out my card. So far I’ve used a PR service only once but found it helpful and would use it again. Xcite Books are very proactive but obviously they have many authors to promote.

What is your top promo tip for other authors?
Keep an eye on opportunities for guest-blogging and being interviewed.

What did you learn while writing this book?
Orchid Pink is set in 1900, on the brink of the Edwardian era. My heroine is a Victorian leading a complicated life. Learning more about what lay under the decorous surface in those times was fascinating. You could say I learnt more about the changing role of women.

What was the most fun part of writing this book?
I had fun watching Benedict Cumberbatch portray Sherlock Holmes. There’s fabulous archive footage on the Internet so I looked at motorcars and horse-drawn vehicles and had hours of fun ‘dressing’ my heroine, especially for her wedding day. Food features hugely in my stories so I enjoyed surfing typical menus for those folk with enough cash to pay for them.

And just for fun: what would your hero’s honeymoon destination of choice be?
Oh dear. This is the only book in which my heroine marries a despicable man. If I’m allowed to cheat here, may I introduce Jimmy, an East end lad who joins the household as odd jobs boy and is tipped to inherit the job of chauffeur from his uncle? Jimmy would whisk you off in his pride and joy - that gleaming Daimler which he’d borrow of course – and tour the Sussex seaside towns. Think What the Butler Saw, plus cockles, mussels, whelks and a nice drop of ale. Be prepared for him to whip off one of your stockings if he had trouble with the fan belt though! Cars weren’t so reliable in those days.



Orchid Pink blurb:

Demure Adelaide hides a passionate nature beneath her elegant gowns. After hiring a delicious new maid, Daisy, she can’t wait to initiate her into the delights of the orchid house. Though resenting paternal pressure to marry businessman Thomas, Adelaide finds excitement in his touch and his erotic whisperings. Yet, when he reveals his sinister side, she seeks solace elsewhere. Christmas brings snowflakes, also a vivid reminder of a heart-wrenching past. Intrigue and obsession rock this Victorian household as Adelaide’s poignant search for love leads her into storms. Will she ever bask in the sunshine?


Orchid Pink is available from Amazon UK and Amazon USA. You can find out more about Toni at her website: www.tonisands.co.uk or on Twitter.